"Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor"
Romans 12:10
This may come as a surprise to some, but Avery is not perfect. *GASP!* I know, it is true!! Don't get me wrong, he is a wonderfully amazing man, but he does have his faults. All through our engagement he was referred to as "Mr. Wonderful" by just about everyone I know. I kept hearing how blessed I was (which is true)! We attended premarital counseling and I usually left feeling like Avery could walk on water while I was doomed to drown.
We said 'I Do' and the best-behavior-dating days had come to an end. Part of the territory of being married is seeing one another through it all-the highs and the lows. We are now under one roof and I see every habit and tendency he has. Certain things that never bothered me before can now rub in such a way that makes me feel like I am going to pop!
Here's the deal-loving our spouse is giving him the freedom to be who he is. While we are not to sit quietly as he walks a path that is counter to Christ, much of the behaviors that bother us are annoyances and not sin. Truth is, this is the man we have and we are called to love him for who he is...not who we want him to be! As soon as we stop accepting him for who he is today, we fail to love as Christ loves. Instead of focusing on how we want him to be changed, we need to free him to be changed by Christ and value who he has been created to be.
The challenge is simple-stop trying to change your man. I am not Avery's savior. When we begin to focus on "fixing" our husbands, we focus on the negatives rather than cherishing the positives. By focusing on what he needs to change, I am tearing him down rather than building him up.
Both Avery and I have a lot of room for growth. He's not perfect and neither am I. The power of sanctification in marriage is absolutely beautiful. God has placed Avery is my life to sharpen me, and I am called to do the same for him, but I can't expect the end product! Even in just 12 months, I have already seen him grow tremendously as a man, and I am so excited for each step we take in the future. He is "wonderfully and fearfully" made by a perfect Savior, and I should accept him for who he was created to be. I am valued by God even in my imperfections, so why should I not do the same for Avery?!
God, grant me the serenity to accept and value the things I cannot change!
Monday Pinterest Finds:
1. Printable monogram: For Chic Sake
2. Cupcake hair clip: Entirely Smitten
3. Healthy baking: Excellent Eats
4. Edible bread spoon: Zomoc
5. 12 baking tips: Woman's Day
My husband and I have been married 12 years. We attended a marriage conference last November and after the conference, I wrote a post similar to this. The idea of my husband being "fearfully and wonderfully" made, and that I should treat him as such, has really changed my perspective on him.
ReplyDeleteVery good points! After 5 years of marriage we are still learning and sharpening. But it is amazing to look out how J has grown since we were newlyweds. Marriage truly is a beautiful thing!
ReplyDeleteWonderful!! For quite a while, there were things I wanted to change about my husband. I thought he NEEDED the change and I was being a good wife by focusing on it. Boy was I wrong!! When I finally stepped back, put down my wand, and trusted God I discovered I was the one who needed to change. I needed to change my attitude and love my husband for who he is.
ReplyDeleteYou have so much wisdom my friend!! :)
xoxo
I love this post! Unfortunately too many people go into marriage thinking "he'll change" or "she'll change" but I would say that while you're dating that is the best you'll ever be. Once you're married the real you comes through. We have to give grace just like we want to be given grace especially in our marriage.
ReplyDeleteI love that cupcake bow clip! Too cute!
ReplyDeleteThank you for linking up with us for Monday Mingling. :)
This is such sound marriage advice! And, you both look pretty wonderful in those pictures at the top! I look forward to reading more : )
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